Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
whose parrot is this?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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