i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
