So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
