We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
