maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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