he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
