I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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