I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
