i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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