I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
