There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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