My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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