I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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