how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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