Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
