Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
