Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
