Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
