I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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