You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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