I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize