I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
