No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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