please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
