matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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