i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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