Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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