Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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