You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize