He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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