I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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