the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
