dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
