So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize