her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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