woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
