They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
