this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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