I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
