Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
