At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
