hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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