I'm laying in your front yard are you home
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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