the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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