This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
