are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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