When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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