is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
