hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
