His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize