evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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