I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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