Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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