I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
