I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize