The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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