At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
