I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
