He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize