There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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