so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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