If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
