R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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