I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
