i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
